Silver Doors
by OveliaGirlHaditRight
Summary: A Naminé character study. At the start of her life, she associates silver–and colors and shades somewhat close to it–as safety; and she carries on with this sentiment through everything she goes through… but never thinks she'll ever be able to actually touch this hope until the end. Somewhat a companion piece to my Kairi story "Turn Me to Gold". Replinami. Namiku. Canon compliant.


**Silver**

When Naminé first came into the world—into the pristine, white castle that she would later learn was called Castle Oblivion—she latched onto the idea of the color silver saving her fast.

Why? Because she was new to the world, and even though she should have had Kairi's memories at the time… she didn't. So, colors were still mostly new to her.

And when all these people in black seized her nearly at once—and then forced her to draw, and gave her a few crayons so she could do so—she imagined that maybe, somehow, she could get taken to another castle (for were they the only buildings in the world?)—that was perhaps just a bit darker than this place and her dress that was getting dirtier and dirtier—and that she would be safe there.

And when she first saw Sora. Who, in her opinion, had eyes that were close to the shade she was imagining and even zippers that were exactly it… Naminé fell in love with him, and sold her soul in the process.

But later, when the Riku Replica was created, Naminé started finding some hope through the shock of silver she saw in him, too.

…And maybe that was why she was selfishly glad when he chose to hold onto his feelings for her, even when he learned that they were a lie.

Or before that… when he had still had the fake lucky charm she'd given him, with its gray charm… Naminé had prayed that he could hold onto it—even if Sora couldn't his own, because his feelings for Kairi were coming back to the surface more and more—but Sora had unintentionally turned it back into a card, so it was no good.

And then when the Riku Replica faded away, after his fight with the real Riku… even with the promise that she now had with Sora, Naminé couldn't help thinking that the world was an empty and ebony place without him.

…

Strangely enough, the next time Naminé felt anything at all when it came to color, was with a Vexen clone.

How a Vexen clone had found her at the Old Mansion in Twilight Town, Naminé didn't really know. But he thankfully didn't mention to the Organization where she was, and was instead good to her when he took her to the Tram Common area for a fieldtrip. And the wise scientist told her about Twilight Town some, so that she might understand it better.

And the selfishness that was within Naminé—that was so unlike Kairi, she knew—wished she could use that knowledge to try and escape DiZ… But she would never do it. She had made a promise to Sora, hadn't she? And if that meant working with DiZ—who Naminé hated and feared, even though she shouldn't have been able to feel anything at all—then so be it.

"The only thing I don't like about this city, Naminé is its brown and red color scheme. This town is ours—a property of Organization XIII's—so shouldn't it moreso resemble our own monochrome color scheme?"

Truth be told, that was the exact _opposite_of what Naminé wanted—given the trauma she'd undergone in Castle Oblivion—and she tried to explain to Vexen some of her issues with those colors without giving the truth away.

"If you—…we—make Twilight Town so sterile… isn't that the exact opposite of what we're trying to do in getting Kingdom Hearts? So that we can enjoy vibrant things again with our hearts? …But if you decide to not listen to me and do this anyway, Vexen… could you add some blue to the white and black? I- I like that color."

And Naminé _did_. The blue lights that connected to Sora's pod—that reminded her of his cerulean orbs when he was awake—were something she deeply loved... and silver still, she supposed. Just not white.

And she must have said_something_right, because Vexen smiled at Naminé and ruffled her hair some… and thankfully didn't do anything to Twilight Town.

…

After Naminé had thought of Sora's eyes again, she'd felt her feelings for him returning. And she wondered who she cared for more: him, or the Riku Replica.

…But this was ridiculous, Naminé decided as she crossed out the picture she'd just drawn of herself holding both of their hands. Sora would actually ever choose her over Kairi… and the Riku Replica was gone. And she didn't even have a heart to feel with at all. So, all of these sentiments of hers were false… so why was she torturing herself with it?

Besides… they were all still so young, that Naminé had her doubts that what Sora and Riku felt for Kairi (that she had once based Sora and the Riku Replica's thoughts for her on) was really a crush, or just friendship. Sora may have felt so strongly for Kairi, but she wasn't certain about Riku (and he wasn't the Riku Replica, anyway)… and it wasn't like what like anything they had towards Kairi would somehow be transferred over to her.

She was doomed to never have neither silver, she thought, or the safety for herself that she saw in them.

Thankfully, as a distraction to these maddening thoughts of hers, it was around this time that Naminé first started seeing Xion's black hood—that glistened a certain way in the sun—as she attempted to repair Sora's memories.

…

And when Naminé's life _did_end up getting mixed up with Xion's, she was glad that it was. This girl was selfless and good. And in an alternate universe where DiZ alone was doing all of this, the blonde knew that he wouldn't have even presented her with a choice… but Xion wanted to give this girl who was so much like Sora—and Kairi, in a few ways—at least that.

But at some point… the white witch even wrestled with what she wanted to do about Xion, because she came to realize that she could potentially save her... but that was only potentially. And DiZ would never allow it...

And wouldn't she be breaking her promise to Sora, if she delayed him waking so long and maybe even risked him waking to find out no one remembered him?

And Naminé got the sense that even Xion wouldn't want to wait for this answer, if her existence continued to endanger Roxas'.

So, all of this was why Naminé settled on the idea that Xion going away was for the best, when everyone pressured her about it, but she still had her doubts. And oh, how she hated herself.

And maybe that was part of the reason that she promised the girl she'd take care of Roxas: surely, she owed both these poor souls _something_.

And if Naminé cut some inches of her white dress off—to save as a grave marker for Xion while she still remembered her, before the wind blew it away—then Naminé found the uncomfortableness of her dress being so short, as penance for all she'd done and a gift to another.

…

Naminé's thoughts of silver—of home, of safety—when it came to Roxas were short and to the point… but perhaps they were some of the most important ones of all.

…When Roxas tried to save her from DiZ—and reached out to her—much in the same way she had helped him against Dusks and the Twilight Thorn before… Naminé felt hope was within her reach for the first time ever, and that she was truly cared for by someone.

So even while she disappeared near him twice, she smiled.

…

The next time Naminé would really be able to think about anything at all—at least in her own body. And not of Terra, who she had forced herself to reach, even without consciousness, in order to save the Guardians—would be when she was brought back to life by Kairi, Sora, Ansem the Wise, Ienzo, and Even... as she sat in that sterile chair, and was thankful for it, yes, but still selfishly wishing that there was someone who cherished her more than anyone else, who could be there for her in this moment.

Sora and Kairi were currently going around to worlds and helping them out in secret—Naminé could see this in their memories—and while it was cute… she didn't think she'd get the reunion from _them _that she was hoping for.

…So was she ever impressed, when Dilan and Aeleus escorted her outside and she saw Riku waiting for her with his hand outstretched—dreaming of taking her away, it seemed.

He wasn't the silver she'd once dreamt of. But he wasn't far off. And as blue petals flew all around them, Naminé touched fingertips and found that she could have peace over chaos, after all.


End file.
